Celestial Musings

Celestia

New journal, same old me.

I have made a lot of changes this year, and a lot of changes have happened. 2024 tested me and equally rewarded me. I've had heavenly highs and hellish lows.

I shifted towards a more LoA type of work, and it's been working so far. I still do spells and stuff but it's a lot more art and low magick.

I have been working with Lucifuge with the helpful intrusions and suggestions of Beelzebub. I have somewhat made up with Aeshma, and the rest are pretty chill.

My work with Lucifuge is on the basis of a verbal pact, combined with some Law (of attraction or assumption I do not know) work. I realised that the future I envision is to built by efforts put in today.

I graduated and have also fell sick twice already since, but I'm working on improving my health both physical and mental. I found a place where I could have got an ADHD assessment, but they needed a reference letter from a psychiatrist which I didn't have so there's that lol.

Anyways, I'll also be posting some art stuff in this journal as well.

I hope you have a great day ahead 💜

Best,
C.

Celestia

Celestia 27.10.2024

It's weird to see someone post an emo status, it's even more weird when you see it's your professor. Like, girl you're a psychologist go talk to the other faculty or something? Idk. As someone who posted similar stuff as a teen, it is far far better to allow yourself to witness your pain first, than expect others to do it for you.

(and yes I partly did it to feel "cool", and no I am not proud of it)

(I was a huge kpop girlie though, I was/am proud of it, but I'll take the knowledge that I gained to my grave)

(unfortunately while looking through old pictures my partner found some screenshots of my very cringy-should've deleted long time ago posts and I could not snatch the phone away in time, we laughed about it though)

I've been going through an art block, and even though I know the best way to overcome it is to let it pass through I still find myself trying to force something to just pop up. It feels weird and a little scary at times to pick up a pencil or a brush when you get habituated with a stylus, and vice versa.

But I'm feeling a lot more hands on with it so I'm crafting these days. Yesterday a hand-bound a small A5-A7 sized notebook which I'm writing recipes in. I used good paper for it so there's no way in hell I'm letting it catch dust.

I have also been trying to get back into a meditation practice.

The cyclone has passed and the weather has cooled down. All I'm waiting for is Samhain I have a very cheerful feeling about it this time round. Might do something special, I'll try.

Anyways, that's all for now.
Till next time.

Best,
C.

Celestia

Celestia I'm either having memory blackouts or the house spirit is helping me out or an ancestor.

I'm finding things which I thought I forgot to do, already done.

Forgot to turn on the geyser, I see it's already on.

Thought the lights were off, they're on.
Forgot to turn the fan off, it's already off.
Clothes? laid out.

Super weird but hey, as long as no one's getting hurt it's all good.

Dankquan

Celestia I've been going through an art block, and even though I know the best way to overcome it is to let it pass through I still find myself trying to force something to just pop up. It feels weird and a little scary at times to pick up a pencil or a brush when you get habituated with a stylus, and vice versa.

If you want to keep up consistency or practice, drawing a still life can be great when you can't think of something to make!

Celestia

30.11.2024

The Universe has been telling me happy birthday since the past week, and I know for sure I'll continue with this energy next week.

This year is close to completion, and it has been equally rewarding as it has been difficult.
I realised what I want in friendships and how much they actually influence me. I realised a lot about myself, about my work, and started chasing new dreams.

I ask, and I receive.
I desire, it comes to me.

I truly found my stride, but that was just the finale of the last chapter. I am looking forward to what the future holds for me, and to learning more.

I lost my rune, Uruz disappeared and I sort of stopped there. It really vanished into thin air, ig I'll continue with others.

My health has gotten better and I've also made peace with a few things.

One way the universe tests your growth, is by presenting the same situation that broke you. It happened to me, time and time again. But I was able to break free without keeping hate in my heart. I was able to make peace with the way things are, and let them go.

I was given a lot, a LOT of lessons this year. In love, in destiny and in self.

I took my work more seriously, and I started to pursue my childhood dream of having an art business. I got the opportunity to illustrate for a book, and participated in an art show. There's more I wish to make, and I will ensure it happens.

I was able to let go of my regrets, and for me that is one of the biggest things I have achieved this year.

Grateful for everything.

Till next time,
C.

Celestia

Dankquan I try to do that sometimes, but it's really difficult to even do that when I don't feel like it. I'll use it as next year's resolution..😅

Dankquan

Celestia I completely understand that! I've been pretty inconsistent myself this year although I try to draw daily (But, I've gone months without drawing)! Drawing is always a joy though : )

Celestia

A long time ago, in a Galaxy far far away

There was a girl who told herself,"this time I'll be more consistent with my journalling!!" and forgot to do so.

Again.

Last year I dabbled in some new age stuff. Law of Attraction, Hicks, Neville Goddard etc etc. It was honestly a lot more challenging than I thought. The amount of shadow work it required, the dedication and consistency. It pulled me completely off of one track and set me on another. Last year, I was focused more on building systems that kept working while I wasn't actively doing anything and for a good part of it, it worked.

The problem was pacing it. I had a LOT going on, and this System was not independent of me. So it was down when I was down which ig really just defeats the purpose of setting it up lol.

But this year I'm focusing more on magick and learning more. The past few days have been extremely weird and extremely action filled. From seeing a lady go through some...gruesome stuff to earthquakes causing a staircase above my head come crashing down (in dream, I was able to get out). To giving tests and punching an ankle biting spirit to get off me. Weird shit.

I've been feeling resistance with creativity and in turn feeling resistance with my flow. Nowadays singing and dancing are a lot more of interest to me compared to painting, but it is something that I still like doing.

I've been thinking of ordering clay and doing some sculpting, more hands on stuff.

Soooo ya, so far so good.

Hope you all are taking care of yourself.

Love,
C.

norse900

Celestia Welcome back, dear. Glad the earthquake didn't get you.

Celestia Last year I dabbled in some new age stuff. Law of Attraction, Hicks, Neville Goddard etc etc. It was honestly a lot more challenging than I thought.

Some of these systems will give you a wallup if the time is right and the person can take it. It is interesting. I recently did the Judgement ritual from The Exorcist (McCarthy) and can feel the scales tilting here and there to bring that about. I'm mentioning it because it is a lifelong thing, where you get and stay ready for "Judgement" like Judgement Day or the Scales of Ma'at weighing.

Do you feel that any of those things you dabbled in are really long-term from your work with them? As in, the effects from it, not the effects from direct personal change, like adding charisma via a ritual or entity. Probably not explaining that very well. I promise that will happen again...

Celestia

norse900 I'd say it's long term in the sense that to be able to do some of the stuff I really had to break down some belief systems and create new ones. It was a lot of shadow work but very very specific since I mostly dabbled in it for money. In the aspect of money though the changes I'd say are permanent.

I changed goals, changed the way I look at things, started getting more clients and most importantly was at peace even when I didn't. I didn't use to allow myself to take breaks because it was a matter of food or transport to college but once I started to let go and just be me, people started bringing me stuff (and they wanted to) so all the needs were still met and I could focus on other things such as my health and studies.

I'm still tweaking the "system"; which is basically just working on what my subconscious projects out but yeah I'd say the changes are long term. I still carry those new beliefs and thr work continues. Never really stops, never an end to it. Always learning.

Celestia

11th March, 2025

K: Do you want to get rid of your pain?
M: How would it serve me?
K: You would not suffer anymore.
M: If it wasn't for pain I would not know about the wrong. I would not know what happened.
K: Is it necessary to be in pain to know that?
M: If it wasnt for pain, I would not know what it was trying to protect me from.
K: And is suffering necessary for it? (do you want to?)
M: Maybe not, no. I don't want to.
K: Then don't.

Ma Kali is this, complex-scary-nurturing goddess. She's the only one who I call "mother" from the heart. She did not ask for it, she did not demand it, but it simply is there. To call her anything else just feels wrong.

They say to get to Shakti you must go through Shiva, and it's been days since He has been in my visions.

Venus retrograde has been kicking my ass. Past memories have been hanging around my head like cobwebs I try to clear out again and again but they're back a few days later. Then again, I'd much rather deal with the memories than people. That doesn't mean it is something I like doing, at least not right now. My heart's been heavy, and my throat and nose has been congested and irritated. Had a purge last night, but as far as I know there's more to come.

My skin doesn't stop breaking out, and I can't stop sleeping. All I want to do is sleep. March is a heavy month, but I knew that already.

Take care everyone.

Love,
C.

norse900

Celestia K: Is it necessary to be in pain to know that?

Your answers were lovely and correct. You already know that.

Celestia She did not ask for it, she did not demand it, but it simply is there.

My Dark Queen is similar. I feel this.

Celestia Venus retrograde has been kicking my ass. Past memories have been hanging around my head like cobwebs

I'm sorry this is affecting you so. Lately, mine is the opposite. I've reached into memories for 'comfort'. Maybe not as much as I should. Since I took up "gaming" again, I am more vigilant than maybe I need to be.

There needs to be a "break" from practice when it becomes heavy enough. Not typically emotionally, but when one moves larger and larger amounts of power, it seems to happen. My opinion, since there aren't many moving large amounts regularly not tied to emotion (amateur -> intermediates -> adept -> else).

Celestia throat and nose has been congested and irritated.

Lots of pollution going around. When Kilauea erupts, it doesn't matter what side of the island you are on, there are scratchy throats and somewhat disrupted sleep. We have air purifiers running in several parts of the house for both the cats that the Vog (Volcanic Fog).

I know some parts of India are known for pollution. I wish you good health. And good filters.

Celestia and I can't stop sleeping. All I want to do is sleep.

Hoping for a government shutdown on my end so I can get some of this guilt-free.

Celestia

norse900 Since I took up "gaming" again, I am more vigilant than maybe I need to be.

Same, I started playing Brawl Stars again and have to remind myself to not lose my temper when I keep losing. I had to put an app lock on it because of how much time I was spending there.

norse900 I know some parts of India are known for pollution. I wish you good health. And good filters.

Oh absolutely, my town has a huge iron and steel factory so we have a lot of slag here plus my dogs have been shedding so that doesn't help.

I might have to unplug from the collective I feel. Because staying in that zone is draining my energy.

Celestia

15th March, 2025

Intention vs Decision

I was talking to a friend last night, we were talking about future stuff. He's in his final year of college, I'm about to start again. Then we'll both work but we still have more studies ahead of us. I personally, am very uncertain and anxious about what will happen. I'm trying to let go of the worry, trying to take it easy but it's a lot more difficult now since the exam is on the 30th.

My mom will use the "we spent so much money on you" dialogue if I don't get a good score, but she'll do that either ways. I need to make peace with it.

But among all this..trouble there's a decision I took. A goal, or an intention is something that will be fulfilled, that we make happen. A decision is something that's already done.

I took the decision, that this is the year I move out. I'm not coming back to this place for longer than a few weeks, I have finished all my lessons here. The way I wish to live, wish to be, is not something that the people here will understand. I have found my home, and it's not here. I deserve to live in a space where I can be free and relaxed, and that is what I will do.

I've been saving money, trying to cut down on my spending. I've set a limit for myself, necessities are excluded, but luxuries are limited. I gave myself the nice things I wanted which I could not afford last year, now I have bigger things to aim for.

I have made a decision. I did not set an intention. I made a decision, that I will turn my life around. And I fucking will. End of.

Two of my favourite artists put out new songs this month, so it's off to a good start hehe.

Take care everyone.
Till next time.

Love,
C.

Celestia

18th March, 2025

I love being connected to spirit. I did a guided meditation during the full moon and it was amazing, it finally brought the clarity I needed.

Today I achieved something amazing, for me it's a fucking miracle lol.

My parents were telling me to go with them to this function at my sister's house, for her sake. I did not want to go because my social battery is low and I'm conserving my energy in general. But they weren't listening and did not give me an option to skip.

I was pissed, like, hella pissed. I felt so angry that I started sweating because I don't wanna go, YOU don't wanna go, but you are, and I still don't wanna go. End of. It was more so giving me the option to skip and then taking it away, paired with the disregard that I don't have work all day that set me off.

So, I did what was best.

I surrendered.

I sat down, put one hand on my heart, another on my belly.

I took deep breaths, calmed myself down, and told my guides, ancestors and universe to take care of it.

Come evening, my mom talked to sis, and said it's not that important of a function and our presence is not too much of a necessity, so it's okay for you to skip. So I took it, I said I won't go. Boom! I ordered a nice dinner and enjoyed it in some much needed PEACE.

I'm getting bored and restless being at home and desperately need a change in scenery, can't wait to go to college!

Take care everyone,
till next time.

Love,
C.

Celestia

29th March, 2025

I have been in a weird kind of place. Tomorrow is an exam that will determine the trajectory of the next 2, or 2.5 years of my life.

Next month I'm traveling for the purpose of simple tourism, by myself, for the first time in my life.

I will be taking my business up a notch, finally done with the way things were and quite determined to change the narrative. I have been trying since months to scale to something that will do more than give me money to pay the installments, necessities and needs and actually save up for my future.

I have been in a weird place lately. The more time I spend with my mother the more my Super Ego becomes active, I'm usually someone balanced in my aspects (or at least I like to think so). As someone born in India and in its society, there's a few things you gotta to do get by. You have to lie about certain things, make shit up.

There's been a lot of shame surrounding certain things which earlier were not present. But it is also a wound that carries itself downwards as generations go. It's the kind of shame which makes you feel guilty in your body, when inherently it's not wrong.

The Super Ego weighs everything in a black and white compass. The defense mechanics the Ego puts up are a lot easier to deal with. The Shadow can be approached with empathy and it allows you in, but the Super Ego is sooo defensive in a different way.

Conformity is the way species have survived, as sticking together was the best way to ensure you reached old age. It is a blessing to be old. But Conformity is also a soul-killa. You have to find the balance.

Anyways, I've been in a weird place lately. Swinging between anxiety and calm. There's a cloud above my head and I'm not really sure if it will rain.

Love,
C.

P.S: Just saw Chat GPT is now Ghibli-fying images. The art community is enraged, and rightfully so. Feed a machine the hardwork of multiple artists which spanned years, and you get a result that lacks soul. Very disappointed.

Celestia

27th May, 2025

I am officially at the precipice of something new, something big for real this time. I got into a college for my Masters but have been consistently questioning my academic and intellectual capabilities in the process. I gave almost 3 entrance exams and in none of them I scored high enough to get in. The college I did get into however, took me in on the basis of my scores in my Bachelor's degree and an interview. I narrowed down the exam thing to 2 reasons:
1) a lack of resources I very clearly had during the previous exams
2) I just don't know how to prepare for exams

Like, give me a pen and paper test I'll nail it. But computer based objective question exams? I leave with confusion and a damn migraine.

I also have, in the previous year realised a huge mistake I had made in my magick.

ALL, of my magick.
I realised it was rooted in the need for survival instead of something much more stable and consistent. Things have changed a lot since the 4-ish years I started. I am (mentally and emotionally) in a much safer space, physically in better health and spiritually in a different place. Survival mode is something that I have not (thankfully) been in for a while. And I spent my time since January to "rehabilitate" my magick by shifitng it's roots from survival mode to love and determination.

Love, as a spiritual force, is underestimated imo. It may sound woo-woo to some, but it's the one force that makes people move mountains. Even the biggest things happened because somebody loved something- a person, a thing, pride, ego etc. Love is at the center of all, just in different forms.

I am slowly coming back to my magick. I am also considering beginning veiling, but my scalp heats up super quick which makes me wary of the practice. Veiling does have a lot of benefits which would help me, but I am open to other alternatives.

I will also be beginning a journey into Nordic Paganism, I have doubted myself from going into it for a long time now. Loki was one of the first deities to be my guide after Hades, after all this time ig it's my turn to knock on his door.

That's all for today. Take care of yourselves.

Love,
C.

Dankquan

Celestia I will also be beginning a journey into Nordic Paganism, I have doubted myself from going into it for a long time now

How goes life and the journey?

Celestia

Dankquan Life is lifing, the journey is weird tbf. I converse with Thor specifically, and carry a raven skull pendant as an offering/symbolic energy for Odin. I don't have a "connection" as I have with other deities, but Thor's influence is very much visible in my life.

I do some galdr work when I get the opportunity, I dedicate that practice and song to Freyja.

This is all I've been doing so far. I just moved so I'm still in the process of settling down.

Celestia

Quick Update:

Started my master's in psychology.
First round of internal exams start next week.
I still swim.

Magick is on pause as of now and so is my energy. I'm spending my time being a lot more grounded. Still sorting out the space of my dorm room, there's legit no space to have a working altar and I very much like to keep one for and work with St. Expedite. Initially wanted to work with Nitika but divination revealed otherwise.

Business is also slow because I make it so. Art is also on pause, I couldn't bring most of my materials with me and buying them all again will burn my pocket.

All things considered, there's a lot going on but it's nice.

Love,
C.