My return to Hawaii in the Summer of 2024 had a lot of promise in it. I was taking on a new Management role with a lot of potential. That got derailed once multiple HR complaints I was a witness to happened. They are still going on in one form or another a year and a half later. I was also informed this week that the legal arm of the organization is going to be doing another one and will also feature retaliation against me for speaking the truth both about the situation and in attempts at witness tampering by trying to influence my statements.  Most of the other witnesses refused to get involved and one now has been found in violation of his accounting of some of the events. What sucks even more is that this supervisor is now 4 levels above me and head of our organization. It's cost me several promotions already.

I can see someone asking whether I had cast anything for this situation. I haven't. It was pretty clear cut case that was simply mishandled several times - hence Legal getting involved. I didn't think it needed magical help. I did make some justice petitions over the year and more of the investigations were done properly.

There's this thing called the poly_gr_aph that I'm now failing. It's been exceptionally stressful because of it. I can't say what I'm failing on due to agreements, but I'm actively looking outside my current employer and will only apply to jobs not requiring it. I'm largely done with trying to please wannabe hom_icide investigators pretending to interrogate me when I haven't done anything wrong. I had the same problem a few years ago and would hit on things I haven't done. No different here, but I suspect this time it has to do with my substantial political beliefs as much as just sucking at the poly. Anxiety levels rise and intrusive thoughts also cause me to hit on things. Last time, I just kept taking it until I wasn't hitting on anything. But my willingness to do that this time is largely over. As soon as I get a decent offer, I'm out the door. This will most likely involve me leaving gov service. I've had it with being called a liar when I'm being honest.

I'm waiting to hear back about a job on the island that will increase my thirty minute commute to over an hour. But it is the Management work I came to the island to do and comes with a $13k pay increase. There have been several hurricanes affecting the islands in the past few weeks and I suspect this is the delay in getting an answer. If the base personnel agree, the job is mine.

This has affected my practice, to be honest. I was told earlier in the year that I should put almost all of my idols away and prepare for a new beginning. I waited for months to get a sign and would ask some trusted spirits what I should be pursuing in the meanwhile. I kept being told to wait - which I didn't care for, but had to accept. Looking back on it now, I suspect that there was a correlation between extremely stressful points and the dampening of my work with the spirits. I think they knew I could handle the ridiculous amounts of stress I was under while dumping magical stress and work on top of it.

I was given a new path to pursue and have been working towards the cultivation and magical side of Taoism as my primary practice. This comes in spurts as the entities come to instruct me on something. One example of this was tutelage in acquiring some Gu spirits to siphon off life and health of enemies via a Fu talisman. I then sewed this talisman into an object to act as a home and anchor point. Another example is calling upon an energy source to make changes through attunement to it and holding it inside. A third is a working relationship with an entity to get I Ching advice she wants me to hear. I haven't decided if I'm going to make a working journal about that or not. I expect that it would be a little here, a little there. If I find a new employer, my stress levels will likely drop and my practice should increase, but I don't know when that will be. Hopefully soon.

To be honest, the more I experience the world, the more I shrink from it. But this has consequences that often aren't thought of. How could this be?

Opportunities. Spirits leverage their influence on this world to shift things towards our favor. You will find this pattern from the "darkest" emo black magician to the Holy White Lighter. There are several ways this happens and I may do a post on my experiences of it.

BUT one thing critical to magic is an avenue for it to manifest and one thing overlooked is our efforts to assist that overall. We tend to focus on the specific avenue we'd like. You must phrase and conduct the ritual for a problem to allow for alternative avenues of approach.

One of doing that is to state the end goal - whether emotional, goal posts, progression points, or some combination. Some rituals take  time. I was recently doing a ritual offering of incense with a specific phrase for a while. I was told when I should stop. Has the result manifest? Maybe. I'm overdue for an answer due to the hurricanes here recently. But I was told to make the offerings daily and I did. A company hit me up for an opportunity I would've overlooked. As soon as I get an offer, I'm GONE.

It's always a give-and-take with the spirits when they aren't parasites. Sometimes we must suffer to come out ahead. I agree with this when it makes sense. I also agree with cutting relationships/agreements off when they seem predatory. If I'm wrong, I say as much and give additional offerings. It also shows me this entity is more likely invested in my benefit and so I am more invested in their requests.